my vag is so smooth its legendary
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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