I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
