Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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