Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
