What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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