i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
