New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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