I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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