We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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