Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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