i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
