NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
