So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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