She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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