We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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