My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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