So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
