Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize