You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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