1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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