I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I AM VODKA MAN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
