yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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