U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
