Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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