i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
