4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
