Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
