We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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