"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
