I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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