she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
