Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
