3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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