distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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