so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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