You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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