I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
