i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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