Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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