I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Boobs are out for the taking
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
