Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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