he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
