Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize