Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
