I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
