May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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