My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
