i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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