I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
