They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
