I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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