Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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