He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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