He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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