i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
