you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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