No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
