you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
