I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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