I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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