you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
