just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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