In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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