so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
