marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
