We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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