i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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