marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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