my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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