Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
